Time Stands Still

It’s been 60 years since the founding of The Mattachine Society.
It’s been 41 years since Stonewall.
It’s been 36 years since the publication of The Front Runner.
It’s been 31 years since years since I marched in my first Gay Pride Parade.
It’s been 30 years since I volunteered at Gay Horizons in Chicago.

It’s been 36 years since I committed myself to a psychiatric hospital rather than go to school and face bullies.
It’s been 36 years since I tried to commit suicide because I was Gay and couldn’t deal with the bullying.

I know that progress has been made.

Enough? Not when kids think suicide is the best choice.

Progress

Yesterday, I managed to leave my apartment for the first time since Thursday. It’s too hot out, I’m feeling unmotivated, I’m tired, but mostly, I’m a little lost. I want to call my mother and say hello and tell her about the French movie I saw this week that made me cry (Time To Leave, with Melvin Poupaud). While there was never a time when I spoke to her every day, there was also never I time when I knew I couldn’t. And now I can’t.

My newest project

Inexplicable Loss

On June 22nd, my mother passed away. She was 81, so I knew the call would come sooner or later, but she had only gone into the hospital the previous Thursday. The diagnosis of lung cancer hadn’t even been confirmed yet. By the 21st, she was already fading fast. I saw her on Monday evening at about 9pm, and she was gone 4 hours later. I don’t think we are ever truly prepared for a parent’s death, but how can we possibly begin to prepare in only 4 days?